Changing things up this morning for GoodNight. Those of you who are familiar with the topic of the book (families caring for terminally ill parents) know that driving to see a parent stirs emotions. I love car talks. They confine parties in space, which makes for a good metaphor on the conversation at hand.
Other factors such as trip time, and number of people add to the complexity. Driving means you are going somewhere. Talking means conversation about something. Both of those statements are obvious. What lies beneath the surface of them is conversations should be limited in scope, just like car trips are.
Your trip has a destination, even when you are making multiple stops. You’re never going two places at one time. You stop at one, then head to the next. Conversations about the care of your parents follow the same pattern. Mixing multiple topics without settling any of them leads to a feeling of uncertainty. And you’ll have enough uncertainty in the care of your parents without knowingly adding to it by trying to settle too many topics at one time.
What helped me the most in taking care of my parents, was to limit the amount of topical discussion addressing complex issues. I’d break them down as best I could into actionable parts before moving on. And then keep moving.
GoodNight addresses a recurring theme of emotional stress. We all have limited capacity for emotion. We manage that capacity by solving, ignoring, or medicating. We will address those topics in a future post.
For now, keep both hands on the wheel.
Blessings,
Thomas
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